[♪]
JERRY: Yeah. Yeah.
All right.
Uh-huh.
[KNOCKS]
[MUFFLED] Chinese food.
Oh. There's my Chinese food.
I gotta run.
All you. Who was it?
I did a show for a car dealership,
and they're getting me a new Saab.
What about your old car?
Couldn't get the blood out?
Nah. The engine clotted.
You know who set this whole thing up for me?
Frank Merman.
Fragile Frankie Merman?
Never liked that guy.
Why? He's harmless. Every summer,
you guys went to camp together.
I was jealous.
It felt like he was the summer me.
He was not the summer you. Eh.
Besides, you had a summer me.
Whitey Fisk, the guy who snuck you
into Last Tango in Paris.
I made him up.
So you never saw Last Tango in Paris?
No. Too bad.
It was erotic.
[DOOR OPENS]
Well...
I've had it with
these jackbooted thugs.
Pottery Barn?
I got three Pottery Barn catalogs in one day.
That makes eight this month.
Hm. Mira Sorvino.
Think she'd go out with me?
Why don't you just throw 'em out?
Oh, no.
I've been saving 'em up
here in your apartment.
And now...
it's payback time.
Pottery Barn is in for a world of hurt.
Can I have one?
I need one of those old-looking phones.
[SIGHS]
So you want to grab a bite? I can't.
I gotta make the weekly call to the folks.
So call now.
Gotta prep.
I need a couple anecdotes,
a few you-were-right-abouts.
It's a whole procedure.
Wasn't Fragile Frankie the one that used to
run into the woods every time he got upset?
That's him. Hm.
Is he still nuts? What do you think?
They gave me a new car for 30 minutes of
"So, who's from out of town?"
[♪]
PUDDY: Seriously,
is this the best okra you've ever had, or what?
Mmm. Delish.
Delish?
Delish.
You know, short for delicious.
Oh. Like scrump.
Yeah.
I'm gonna be late. I'll see you later.
Excuse me. Can I borrow your ketchup?
Oh, sure.
[MAGICAL HARP PLAYS]
Thanks.
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
ESTELLE: Hello?
Hey, it's Georgie.
Let me put your father on the phone.
GEORGE: Ma--
Who's this?
Dad, it's me.
Hey, uh, listen. I was at, uh, Fortunoff's the other day,
and you know what? You were right.
[KNOCKING]
[MUFFLED VOICE THROUGH PHONE] Chinese food.
FRANK: Sorry, George, our Chinese food just came.
Talk to you later.
Chinese food?
[DIAL TONE]
[♪]
Hey, you like sending out catalogs!
How do you like getting 'em back?!
[♪]
JERRY: So? Maybe they had Chinese food.
After dark? Please.
At their age, that's like swallowing stun grenades.
Well, there's one way to check.
Where there's Chinese food...
there's leftovers.
Well, gentlemen... [CLICKS TONGUE]
...Laney is...
in love.
[CLAPS HANDS]
That's dynamite.
Yeah, I'll look for the leftovers.
Yeah. Hey. Hey, hey.
I met this guy.
And it was like this...
totally unreal
fairy-tale moment.
Wasn't Whitey Fisk, was it?
Oh, George's friend. Whatever happened to him?
Nothing. I don't-- I don't know.
I-- I got to go.
So this is beautiful.
You and Puddy and this new guy
in a big pot of love stew.
Oh, yeah.
Puddy.
Well, I won't fire him
until I see if this new guy can, uh...
[CLICKS TONGUE] ...handle the workload.
Will you look at this?
More catalogs.
Omaha Steaks, Mac Warehouse,
Newsweek?
I can't stop all these companies,
so I'm gonna attack this problem
at the choke point. [CLICKS]
Stop the mail?
[SNAPS] That's even better.
[♪]
Jerry.
Hey, Frankie.
So where's the car?
This is it.
Inside the van?
It is the van.
Don't you remember?
We always talked about how cool it would be
to have a van and just drive.
We were 10.
Come on. Let's take it for a spin.
I don't want a van. [DOOR OPENS]
Well, just tell him you want the Saab.
You don't understand.
This is Fragile Frankie Merman.
When we were in camp, if you upset him,
he'd run into the woods, dig a hole and sit in it.
Well, I have an idea.
Keep the van,
and just get a bumper sticker that says,
"If this van's a-rockin',
don't come a-knockin'."
Always helpful.
[♪]
ESTELLE: Oh, Georgie. [GEORGE CHUCKLES]
What are you doing here?
Just dropped in for a visit.
You, uh...
You never called me back.
Uh, the phone broke.
Well, we gotta get moving.
What? Where are you going?
We have a catered affair.
You're going like that?
It's creative black tie.
Move, woman.
No Chinese leftovers.
George is getting suspicious.
[♪]
Elaine. Sorry I'm late.
[MAGICAL HARP PLAYS]
I'm gonna be in the can.
Okay, Jack.
Oh, can I use your phone?
Sure.
Puddy? It's Elaine.
We're through.
Yeah. That's right. Again.
Thanks.
[♪]
FRANKIE: Nice captain's chairs, huh?
Aye, aye.
Oh, there's a spot.
Just back up.
[BEEPING]
Oh, hold on. There must be a truck backing up.
No. That's us.
Great.
You know, Frankie...
I was wondering.
What if I decided that it's...
silly to have a van because,
you know...
I live in New York City.
Is there maybe some way I could exchange it?
You don't like the van.
No. No, no. It's just hypothetically.
I gotta go to the park.
No. No, you don't.
No woods.
I love the van.
I'm a van guy.
[♪]
KRAMER: Check it out.
Rain and sleet may not stop them.
But let's see them get by...
these bricks.
Where'd you get the bricks?
Jerry, the whole building is brick.
So you want to take a ride with me out to Jersey?
I'm gonna try and sell the van to a lot.
A dealer? Are you insane?
No. Take out an ad.
Sell it privately.
I don't wanna meet the people
that are in the market for a used van.
[♪]
Come on, Jerry, just let me help you.
Okay.
All right. Okay.
Here we go. Yeah.
So, uh, for sale, huh?
For sale.
A big...
juicy...
van.
And, ooh... we gotta put down,
"interesting trades...
considered."
I don't want a trade.
No, no, no, no. You don't have to.
See, it's all about tickling their buying bone.
[CLICKS TONGUE]
Hey, you know what? This is all your mail.
They're putting it in my box now.
Let me see that.
Oh. That's it.
They have gone too far.
They keep pushing me and pushing me!
Now I got no choice but to go down there...
and talk to them.
Hey, Jerry. [CLICKS TONGUE]
I'd like you to meet someone.
This is Jack.
[MAGICAL HARP PLAYING]
[♪]
WOMAN: May I help you?
Yeah. I'd like to cancel my mail.
Certainly. How long would you like us to hold it?
Oh, no, no. I don't think you get me.
I want out. Permanently.
I'll handle this, Violet.
Why don't you take your three-hour break?
Oh, calm down, everyone.
No one's canceling any mail.
Oh, yes, I am.
Well, what about your bills?
The bank can pay 'em.
The bank. Mm.
What about your cards and letters?
E-mail, telephones, fax machines,
FedEx, Telex, telegrams,
holograms--
[WHISPERS] All right, it's true!
Of course nobody needs mail.
What--? What do you think
you're so clever, figuring that one out?
[WHISPERS] But you don't know the half of what goes on here.
So just walk away, Kramer.
I beg of you.
Is everything all right here,
postal employee Newman?
Yes, sir.
I believe everything is all squared away.
Isn't it...
Mr. Kramer?
Oh, yeah.
As long as I stop getting mail.
[LAUGHS]
[♪]
Welcome back.
[GASPS]
Pretty quick for a, uh...
catered affair.
I don't know what you mean.
You ditched me. That's twice.
Now I demand to know what's going on!
George, we've had it with you.
Understand?
We love you like a son...
but even parents have limits.
ESTELLE: The breakups,
the firings, and every Sunday
with the calls.
What my wife is trying to say
is this is supposed to be our time.
I'm not following.
I'm sorry, George. We're cutting you loose.
You're cutting me loose?
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I'm gonna make love to your mother.
[♪]
GEORGE: They don't want to see me anymore.
But this is what you've always wanted.
It is.
Just not ready yet.
Ah, that's kind of sweet.
Ah, shut up, Jerry.
My parents think they can ignore me.
Heh-heh.
Well, they better think again.
Oh, no. George, please.
What are you gonna do?
You remember my cousin, Rhisa?
I'm gonna date her.
Mother of God.
One little wink.
She'll freak out, tell my parents.
They'll be all over me.
Hah.
What is this tape?
That guy Elaine's dating seems really familiar to me.
I think he might be a comedian
I worked with one time.
Wait a second. Wha--?
What-- What is this?
ANNOUNCER: This weekend, Nobody Beats The Wiz
is slashing prices on our entire stock.
Nobody beats me because I'm the Wiz.
Yes. I'm the Wiz.
I'm the Wiz.
That is the guy.
Elaine's in love with the Wiz guy?
No. She thinks she's in love with him,
but she's just remembering this old commercial.
That's pretty pathetic.
I know. They're not even related.
Hey.
Uh, hey. [SLAPS THIGH]
I'm gonna get going.
Hey, have fun at the family reunion.
[LAUGHS]
[DOOR CLOSES]
So...
what do you know about this Jack fella?